The personification of the studio
As a non artist you probably understand what it's like to make art- you think of a neat idea, you paint it, it comes out NOTHING like you wanted it to and you admit you can't make art.
And for amateurs this is true. I spent 10 years making work that looked nothing like I wanted it to. I agonized over blank pages and abstract thoughts that won't turn into images. I get the struggle.
But what happens in these 10 years of struggle is a magical thing - you learn how to listen.
I often talk about how the art speaks to me. I begin something and it can tell me what to do next. I know the difference between my mind thinking and my intuition, I can tell when the work needs something or I'm imposing myself onto the work.
Lately, things have gone a step further. See, art needs to be there to speak, I have to start the process. That blank page paralysis is real. But lately, the studio has begun to speak as soon as I look at a blank sheet. I am compelled to make marks and choices that I never would have before. And the results have been simultaneously surprising and welcome.
There is a lot to learn about life through the artistic process. We all struggle with letting go of control, of trusting our intuition, of not overthinking or being worried about mistakes. When we learn to feel comfortable in this place, we are more welcoming to others, to learning, to happiness. It is not an easy lesson. I am still learning how to apply it all to life, but I feel well equipped to do so after learning it in my art.
So the studio has become personified for me. I speak to it and it speaks to me. Thinking of it in this way separates my thinking mind from my intuition which has made it easier to listen instead of second guess.
Sometimes I find myself wondering why the studio brought me in a certain direction, or I am confused by the outcome of a drawing that I thought would come out completely different. (see below) While initially confused, over time I begin seeing what it meant, understanding what the studio, my intuition and my subconscious were saying (loud and clear but I couldn't hear it at the time) these are my favourite kind of work because I have so much to learn from them.